Warming up
by Concupiscence66
Summary: A little pre-Festival Supreme Noelian fluff about the warm up gigs and the kisses we never got to see. Romantic friendship.


Title: Warming Up

Author: Concupid

Pairing: Julian/Noel (romantic friendship)

Rating: PG

Warnings: RPS, just a bit of fun with the warm up gigs and those unphotographed kisses!

Summary: Noel and Julian reflect on how they've changed as they prepare for Festival Supreme.

Author's note: It's late at night, but I want to post it pre-festival so forgive the usual errors! Thanks to the awesome people who have shared stories of those lovely, warm up gig kisses.

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Julian is a physical guy. He's big and a little uncomfortable in his skin, but he likes to touch people and be close. He was raised with the kind of forceful affection where every hug is bone crushing and a friendly pat on the back can knock you off your feet. A kiss from any of his grans always involved having his head grabbed and held while an old woman tried to pierce his skull with her lips. He likes to be hugged and held and being reminded that - strange and he is - there are places where he belongs.

Except for when he's anxious, then he wants everyone in the world to back the fuck off and give him room to breath. The first time he met Noel Fielding, the kid was in his face and talking a mile a minute while Julian tried not to have a panic attack. His gig had been a disaster and he was wondering once again if it was time to pack it in, but there was some little boy calling him 'genius' and apparently confusing Julian with someone who could help his career. All he wanted was to get drunk and oblivious, but Noel wouldn't leave him alone. He never did.

Julian did not tell Noel to back off that night, or on any other night when Noel came bounding up to him like a puppy. He kept an illusion of cool until their first gig together. Noel grabbed at Julian's arm and Julian yelled, "Don't touch me! You're always touching me."

It became part of the act, and part of their personal shtick, but he never forgot the wounded look on Noel's face. Julian wasn't especially skilled at reading people's emotions, and Noel was especially good at putting on a facade. Julian groused at Noel nearly every day for a decade, but there are only a few events that Noel considers to have been fights. One is the time Noel threw fliers in his Julian's face. Julian doesn't remember the details, but he remembers the pure shock of seeing Noel going from laughing at Julian's gripes to sudden, red-faced fury and the impromptu ticker tape parade as fliers fell around them. At the time, he had talked to his sister about the incident and he remembered her sighing and saying, "Oh, Julian," like the reason should have been obvious to anyone but a thickie, but she wouldn't explain it. Now he doesn't remember any specifics, and he knows better than to ask. Apparently, he missed the day in school when they covered strange emotional reactions and he was simply doomed to spend his life feeling a little out of step. According to Noel, he and Julian had two big fights and Julian was as curious as anyone about the second. He could remember far too many arguments and blow-ups to count, but apparently, those did not qualify as fights to Fielding. He must have aced the strange emotional reactions class, because he had it down to a science.

When they were glued at the hip, Noel knew when to give Julian his space. He'd keep away before a show, and glomp onto Julian afterwards. It was a good system, but even that began to fall apart with the Future Sailors tour. Julian was a father and living some kind of strange, settled life that did not jibe with the Mighty Boosh touring experience. He was conflicted and uneasy with touring as a responsible adult. He was still conflicted and uneasy about the responsible adult bit, without the constant temptation to lose himself in booze and find himself in a puddle of sick the next day. So Julian pulled back and Noel partied hard enough for both of them and more. There were nights when Julian was sober as a judge and Noel was off his tits and wouldn't stop talking. He tries not to remember the things Noel said. Listening to a drunk person discuss personal feelings is like being a peeping tom. Just because you can see someone getting their kit off doesn't make it okay to watch.

Whatever Noel might think, those conversations had nothing to do with Julian not wanting to continue the Boosh. He was tired of Noel, but that was normal and passing. What Julian really couldn't handle was himself. He'd been leaning on the same crutches for so long, they were wearing down.

So he took some time to be a father and a husband-type-thing, and took a stab at proper acting.

And Noel went about his business, enjoying the life of a celebrity. When Dee left Noel for the final time, Noel became a staple at the Barratt-Davis household. It was not surprising to come home and find Noel helping Julia with dinner or playing with the boys. Julian was almost sad to see Noel pull himself back together. It was nice to have him around without any complications. They were just two men, learning how to be adults a bit late in life. Noel hinted at wanting to bring back the Boosh, but he didn't push it.

They maintained their friendship, but Noel was busy working and Julia was working and Julian was Mr. Mom. There wasn't a thing he would rather do than be with his boys, but he missed performing. He missed being Julian Barratt instead of just Julia's husband or the twins' dad. He felt lost.

It wasn't until Tenacious D invited him to pop in on a set that he really felt how there could be a balance for him. The boys were in awe that their boring old dad could have a chat with Jack Black. That did not mean he was ready for a full-on Boosh re-union in America.

But that's what happened.

xxx

Noel is giddy. Up until Julian tweeted that they would appear on the pier, he didn't really believe it was going to happen. Julian kept hedging and being vague, and Noel was tired of getting his hopes up. When Julian made his grand gesture, Noel couldn't stop grinning for days. Then they set up a gig and the nerves set in.

Sitting in Julian's home, drawing with the boys' crayons, Noel feels a mixture of excitement to have the semi-metaphorical band back together, and fear that they simply won't be the same. When a wave of anxiety hits him, he reaches out for Julian who smiles and pats his back or ruffles his hair. He can see the effort Julian is making not to brush off his constant touches. Someone else might look at Julian and think he was totally at ease, but Noel can feel the anxiety radiating from his partner. Every time Julian fails to bark, "Don't touch me!" it worries Noel. Howard isn't meant to be patient with Vince. It's a reminder of how much things have changed. Julian hasn't spoken a word of judgment against him, but Noel knows how Julian feels about the 'celebrity lifestyle'. He knows Julian thinks he's been a tit and deserves the sometimes heartbreaking and sometimes humiliating consequences that have come his way. After over a decade of hearing Julian's unfiltered opinions, Noel is pained by the politeness that proves Julian has grown up and left Noel behind. Noel always felt a bit like a kid brother trying to keep up, but now he's the forty-year-old manchild just learning how to eat a balanced meal. Even Julian's gentle supportiveness around his milestone birthday had been strange. He'd wanted Julian to mock him like in the old days, and make him feel young again. Instead, Julian had been sweet and kind and told Noel he was as youthful and beautiful as ever. Noel spent a whole day with Julian and his family and then went home and cried while Lliana stroked his hair.

Now, he's watching Julian work his magic with the guitar. He knows a lot of great musicians, but no one is quite like Julian. For all the jokes Julian makes about spanning genres, he really is tremendously talented. He can arrange a harmony so that it's beautiful, but also to allow for humor. Julian will point out that Noel is a visual artist, but it doesn't feel the same. Noel thinks of himself as a good comedian and a decent artist, Julian is brilliant at everything he tries his hand at.

"Something wrong?" Julian asks, his face the very image of friendly concern.

Noel shakes his head and goes back to drawing himself with a cloak and horns. When Julian squeezes his shoulder, Noel wants to throw himself into Julian's arms and be reassured that the magic is still there. Instead, he smiles and pats Julian's hand - tacit permission that Julian can go back to his own worries.

Howard isn't meant to be so sweet with Vince. It throws off the whole dynamic.

xxx

It isn't until the first warm-up gig that Julian threatens to ties Noel's hand behind his back if he won't stop touching him. There's too much to remember to be distracted by Noel's constant intrusion into his personal space. The more he growls, the more Noel encroaches on his space, apparently enjoying the scoldings. Noel is a contrary kind of guy.

Julian doesn't remember when it was or where, and he doesn't remember the joke that went over so well that Noel was practically vibrating with self-satisfaction. He only remembers the sudden desire to shake him up. Noel had been grinning from ear to ear and basking in the attention of the crowd, and totally unprepared to have his head tilted back for a kiss. It was quick, but Noel had opened his mouth - probably out of surprise - and Julian had a chance to run his tongue over Noel's teeth before pulling back. It just became a thing after that. The contrariness of a male comedy duo acknowledging their sexual tension appealed to them both. They were sometimes accused of being too cool and trendy, like they were trying to be rock stars instead of comedians. In reality, there was nothing cool about them. They were more like a modern day Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney, putting on totally amateur shows only meant to entertain themselves. The fact that so many other people enjoyed their private jokes was a constant source of amazement. They were sometimes pushed to put together a proper show, but they held hands (sometimes literally) and stood their ground. Noel was going to dress as a half-ram and sing while Julian asked people to suckle his many pig nipples. That was the Boosh.

After they kissed on the television show, it wasn't the same. It became expected instead of surprising. What had been a mildly subversive act now felt like schtick.

But Julian misses it. He likes kissing Noel. He likes the way his kisses were sometimes brushed off and sometimes returned with surprising enthusiasm. He likes chasing Noel around for a kiss, and he likes holding Noel and maybe giving his bum a fondle when Noel opts to stand still. He had liked the way the audience was always surprised. He liked the way he and Noel were always a little surprised as well.

Julian considers kissing Noel, thinking it might offer the reassurance his partner needs, but the opportunity does not arise - possibly because Julian is never off-his-tits drunk. Things have changed.

xxx

Before they take the stage for their first real warm-up gig - before heading to America to be surrounded by high-profile American comedians (and probably die on their asses) - Noel can't breathe. It is an 'intimate' venue, but it may as well be the O2. If they fail, all too many people will be eager to declare the Boosh has-beens. Noel feels especially vulnerable to criticism. The fact that it was utterly predictable that people would say Luxury Comedy proved that Noel was nothing without Julian (something people had been saying their whole career) didn't stop the comments from stinging or crushing Noel's confidence. When they'd had a chat about Julian making an appearance on the show, Noel went along with Julian's reasoning that his presence on the show would only further the idea that it was Boosh Redux and it would take away from what Noel was trying to create. Noel nodded and agreed, while inside he screamed, "But at least people won't think you hate the show!" Julian is sometimes mislabeled as the 'normal' or 'boring' one - he is neither - but he has always been the brains of the organization. He was the one who read books and studied so they could create a fluid narrative about a transexual merman and coconut three-ways. He always focused on beginnings and endings and internal logic when they wrote together. Noel certainly knows how to write a story, but not with the precision of Julian. His brain is wired differently.

As they don their old man masks, Noel has a moment of panic. He can't imagine how he'll breathe through the mask when he can barely breathe without it. Julian reaches over and rubs the back of his neck, and then pulls him in for a hug. Noel is soothed and immensely grateful, but it feels strange. Julian is supposed to keep Noel at a distance before they go on. That's the way it has always been. Julian's comforting arms feel both familiar and strange. So much has changed.

xxx

The second warm up gig felt like coming home. It was shambolic and the crowd was all too enthusiastic, but it felt right. Julian has spent his life waiting to grow up and mature, but he's beginning to realize it's all an illusion. He and Noel are older and wiser, but they are also still children playing dress up. Noel is never happier than when he's playing Old Gregg. Julian looks at him and he can see the enthusiastic kid he was, but appreciate the seasoned professional he has become. Julian doesn't expect to ever really feel settled, but he's learned to savor moments of pure contentment. When Noel tries to scoot past him, he grabs his partner by the hips and they share a look. It's the same look they've shared for well over a decade, and yet it's still new. Julian is still in awe of Noel's light, and drawn like a discombobulated moth. Nothing could be more natural than to give Noel a kiss, to taste his lipstick and sweat and to have a moment of pure selfishness. Noel belongs to the world, but for moments at a time, he belongs to Julian.


End file.
